1. Apply for permit four
months ahead, cross fingers, request guidance from multiple gods of the canyon
for patience and success with the process.
2. Wait.
3. If rejected,
return to step one. If accepted, rejoice
and begin planning.
4. Wait, dream,
train, anticipate over the next three months.
5. With one month
left before departure, begin to check weather forecast for permit area,
generally on a weekly basis at this point.
6. Check moon cycle
and breathe a sigh of relief if the timing isn’t right for a blindingly bright
full moon during the trip.
7. Create a multi-stop
shopping list which includes staples like high protein foods, hooch, chocolate,
and at least one new luxury backpacking item.
8. Wonder how much TP
is enough for the length of the trip.
9. Worry Goldilocks-style
if your boots are too new, too old, or just right.
10. Commence
shopping, knowing that you will forget something vital and will have to return more
than once to at least one of the stores.
11. Begin to pile
necessary items into large stacks according to their general categories, like
food, clothes, sleeping gear, etc.
12. Check weather
forecast.
13. Divvy up stacked items
into useful, useable amounts encased in ziploc bags of varying size.
14. Wonder how Sir
Edmund Hillary packed in the pre-ziploc, pre-plastic, pre-technical fabric era.
15. Feel confident in
the amount of food packed.
16. Question how much
coffee, hooch, and chocolate is enough.
17. Redistribute
stacks of items from general categories to personal stashes of who is carrying
what.
18. Restock first aid
kit, and offer up a request to the canyon gods that nothing more than bandaids
and ibuprofen will be necessary, but pledge your intention to carry the full
one-pound-plus of the entire kit as an insurance policy against disaster.
19. Check weather
report from alternative sources and compare.
20. Confer in person
(if possible) and via phone with trip companions regarding necessities like
stoves, water filters, fuel, rat sacks, liters of water per person. How much is the absolute minimum? How much is smart?
21. Check weather
report and river levels; appraise fishing potential.
22. Carefully evaluate
potential book(s) to bring.
Considerations: too long? too short?
too heavy? appropriate subject
matter? is there another bibliophile on
board with whom you can swap books?
23. Lay out clothing
with careful attention to socks.
24. Recheck weather
forecast prior to completing clothing selection.
25. Begin putting
items in backpack, carefully noting items from the list as they are deposited
(tricky to do with a family of four all working from the same list).
26. Try on pack,
adjust straps and reconfigure as necessary.
27. Weigh pack with
one eye closed, the other squinting at the scale.
28. Sigh heavily and
consider replacing heavier items with more hooch and ibuprofen.
29. Actually weigh
potential books using scale with grams; select lightest.
30. Highlight items
on list not yet in pack: sun hat,
trekking poles, food items in fridge, the currently recharging camera
batteries, etc.
31. Check weather
report.
32. The night prior
to departure: Check in with other trip
members and confirm or deny questionable items; discuss weather forecast;
determine departure time.
33. Check packing
list again; do not forget permit and national park pass.
34. Check forecast
from multiple sources to dispel rumors from trip companions.
35. Haul packs from
inside the house to the car and either A) believe devoutly and completely in
your capacity to haul said pack the entire length of the hike without problem,
or B) question the rational self and the philosophy of torture.
36. Go to bed early,
but stay awake late doused in a restless mixture of anticipation and
apprehension.
37. Drift off to
sleep only to be awakened by a supremely significant something you’ve forgotten whose identity and purpose will vanish
by morning, leaving a sense of anxiety.
38. Wake up and make
coffee; check and recheck forecast and packing list; take one last shower.
39. Realize you
forgot to make arrangements for the pet(s); argue with spouse over whose
responsibility that was.
39. Finish packing;
leave house, hopefully remembering coffee; if not, it’s important enough to
merit a return to house; stop at McDonald’s for a greasy, protein-heavy Egg
McMuffin.
40. Arrive at the
canyon and search for a parking space; regroup at the trailhead, by which time,
ideally, all members of the group are happily
caffeinated and ready for the adventure of hitting the trail.
41. Hike.
I remember our Grand Canyon hike way back when - did we follow all 41 of these steps? (definitely not #8)
ReplyDeleteYou inspire me, dear cousin! -Kelley